The Husband

Alright, here is a big blog entry incoming!

Yesterday, I sent my letter to my husband. I can't remember if I told you guys about the letter or not, so here it is. I wrote a letter, a coming out letter. It was easier than talking to my husband because of how he reacted the first time. I sent that letter yesterday. I couldn't take it anymore, and yesterday was good, or so I thought. I had to take my kids to some soccer thing last night, when meant I wouldn't be in the house. I thought he would read the e-mail while I was gone.

He didn't.

He ended up reading it while I was showering. Then he stormed into the bathroom to tell me he was leaving me. What followed was a two hour long "talk". It was mostly him talking. Him throwing himself a pity party and accusing me of ruining his life, and him having wasted the last eight years of his life on me. He brought up every single thing that I have done wrong in our marriage, and threw it back in my face. He blamed me for everything. His entire life sucks because of me. It was far less to do with me being trans, and more to do with how much he has hated being married to me apparently.

He doesn't believe I have GID. He doesn't believe in GID. He stuck to his guns on me doing this for attention, and doesn't want to anything else. He claims that I have a chaotic personality, that he hasn't been attracted to me for the past five years, I have warped our children's personalities into things he doesn't like, and that he doesn't want me in his life at all.

Last night, during all of that, I was scared. I didn't know where I was supposed to go, what I was supposed to do. I was worried for my kids. They come first in everything in my life, and I was so scared of the life they were going to be forced into because their other dad wasn't even thinking of them. I thought he would be mature enough to think of his kids, but I was wrong. I sadly tried to take it all back. Sure, I would be miserable and depressed, stuck in this female body, but at least my kids would be able to have a good life.

He didn't let me take it back. Which is good. I didn't see it then, but I do now. Because I can't take this back, and I don't want to. The way he acted, the things he said, there is no going back.

After speaking with my mother and sister this morning, my eyes were opened. He has been emotionally abusing me our entire marriage. I moved an hour and fifteen minutes away from my family, my home city, so I could live with him. That isolated me from my family and friends. I no longer have the friends I used to have that lived in that city, because he made them leave. He had a problem with them, so I took his side like the good dutiful wife I was supposed to be, and they left. I can't blame them for that either. He took away my privacy. He browsed through my internet history, wouldn't allow me to talk to other men without being super nosy. I wasn't even allowed to find male celebrities attractive, or even fictional video game characters.

This only got worse through the years. He had a cellphone, I wasn't allowed one. He had friends and went out to hang out with them all of the time, but I was stuck at home with no friends. On the forums that I RP on, and on all RP things ever, I wasn't allowed to do "romance" between a character of mine and someone else's. He monitored all of that. He monitored my Skype, my Facebook, everything. He has slowly but surely taking control of my life. I have no money. No access to our bank account. No friends to turn to. My family is far away. I have nothing.

He made sure of that.

Well, it is all blowing up in his face now. My mother and sister are ready to help me. They have offered me, my kids, and my dog, a place in their apartment. It will be horribly cramped, but it is better than staying here. They are willing to let me move in with them, even willing to get a bigger place, willing to help me get a job and stand on my own.

I feel so empowered right now. I am getting a second chance on life, and it is beautiful. My husband tried to ruin me. He tried to take everything, but instead, I am just burning brighter. He can do whatever he want's, but he can't control me, he can't control my kids. I am getting out..